I’m depressed. Right now. 11:30pm January 3, 2019. For whatever reason, for NO reason, I’m depressed. My thoughts are a bit erratic when I’m feeling down, as I am currently.
On 12/24, a local reporter/weekend anchor messaged me and asked if I’d like to discuss situational depression for a Christmas Eve news story. I obliged and suggested we meet in front of the VA for the interview, being a Veteran that receives treatment there for depression and PTSD. We met, recorded for a bit (wanted her to have plenty to use for her editing), took a pic and parted ways. The story aired that evening on our local ABC-7 affiliate, maybe someone that’s known me, whether it be from the soccer fields, medical offices or in the cannabis community, saw me and felt less alone or felt empathy for another. Maybe no one saw it. When I lay down at night, it’s not really a thought. I enjoy the feedback and interaction I receive on social media. I suppose that’s why it’s “social” media >.<
I feel that mental health as a whole has been stigmatized for decades. I sense that others don’t want it to be spoken of aloud. IMO, that is EXACTLY how we carry the mistakes of our past into our future as a nation, continent, species.
I must state that I have a little more hope for the future, and the world my children will raise children in, every-time I see a pharmaceutical commercial for bipolar mania. I am pleased that they are making these advertisements with a suburban atmosphere depicted. The actor is an average male with 2.5 kids, etc… Maybe they have been making the ads in this manner for longer than I realize. If so, bravo to that ad agency/marketing firm. It’s a far cry from the atmosphere depicted in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”.
Still, I’m depressed. When I know why I’m sad or blue, I can address it. Today, I’m experiencing the type of depression that arises often in chronically ill patients. I truly feel that I did not accomplish anything today. I don’t like to think of myself as chronically ill. My body and mind decide to remind me and knock me back from wherever I had thought I could climb to. I did get out of bed today. I did brush my hair and teeth today. I did look at my to-do list today. I did help an old neighbor/still friend today.
She came by to discuss how cannabis is an alternative option for her lifelong migraines. It was nice to visit with her. As I type this, I’m beginning to realize I DID accomplish things today. Even the small things count, right? I’m going to attempt to drill that into my thoughts and, wait, not attempt, DO. I’m going to drill that into my thoughts and stop keeping score against myself.
If you’ve hung with me this long through the post, I’ll drop the news link to the Holiday Depression story below. Maybe you’ve known me, or someone like me. Maybe you’ve felt exactly like me.
Even The Small Things Count! Even The Small Things Count! Goodnight ❤
P.S. My two older daughter’s birthdays are tomorrow and Tuesday, Jan 9th. I cannot believe I’ll have a 25 year old in less than a week.
(Left To Right: Jaime Renee Cruz, Simone Cuccurula)
3 thoughts on “Depression, Random Ramblings of a Depressed Mind”
I really needed this right now. I have siruational depression and was sitting here awake and sad. Thank you. Again, your words have inspired me to feel positive aboyt myself. Also, as an Enflish educator, you are an excellent writer. Never stop.
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Jaime, I can totally side with the chronically ill type of depression. It’s hard to feel like you’re accomplishing anything, it can feel like merely existing. It is certainly helpful to pay attention to all the little things you did accomplish. It’s amazing that you could lend a hand to your neighbor. I’m sorry you were feeling blue. Today’s a new day 💕 I hope it’s a better one!
Jaime yesterday must have been “blue” day as I was feeling depressed also and it sucks having an illness that no one can see